The Daily Life of Kira
by Mysterious Penname
Summary: Light has succeeded in becoming Kira, and L is coming along for the ride. Watch as they struggle with awkward meetings, crazy paparazzi, and each other's boundless stupidity. Ah, the toils of ruling the world! AU, OOC-ness, Shounen-Ai, Crack. --ON HIATUS-
1. Lateness

"Light-kun

A/N: **Read this, please!**

Okay, this is a crack-filled, **shounen-ai**, OOC AU (have I scared you off yet?) where Light has succeeded in becoming Kira. L has been convinced that Light has the right idea and they are living together. This is totally separate from my other fics.

Please keep in mind that this is OOC on purpose, for the sake of comedy, and do not review ranting about how "L doesn't act like that!11" This is crack and will remain as such.

Thank you!

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"Light-kun."

"Mrrgh."

"Light-kun has criminals to eliminate."

"I am aware."

"So you should do it."

"I knooow, don't _hassle_ me!"

"But when I do not hassle Light-kun, he gets behind and becomes cross with everyone."

Light huffed and opened his eyes to glare up at the man crouching next to him in bed. The past few years had been highly enjoyable, with him reigning as Kira and L…being with him, but sometimes…

Sometimes L, however cooperative and pro-Kira, was so…L-like.

Light clamped his eyes shut more tightly. "I should eliminate _your_ skinny ass," he responded.

L just blinked down at him. "Skinny? I am not skinny. You would notice that I actually have a healthy amount of muscle, if you paid attention to matters other than your hair," the black-haired man commented, reaching down to ruffle the murderer's silky locks. "Which you keep in rather good condition, by the way."

"Whatever." Light batted L's hand away, and sat up with a groan and a stiff back. "Ooh, I'm going to need a massage later on, L…"

"From who?" L questioned.

"From you!"

"No, I do not think so. Just because Light-kun is getting old does not mean he can snap his fingers and get a massage whenever he fancies." L stretched his legs down onto the ground and cracked his toes. "Ouch."

"Eew, L, _please_ don't crack your toes. I hate it when you do that," Light whined. "It makes me _gag_."

L ignored his lover and stood up, reaching toward the ceiling to crack his back and shoulders as well.

"That's disgusting!" Light sent a pillow flying at L, but it was caught and thrown back at him within seconds. "Oof!"

"Kira-kun thinks he is in control of the entire world-"

"That's because I am!"

"-but in reality I have dominance over him." That established, L shuffled over to their walk-in closet to pick out his jeans and white shirt for the day.

"Open the curtains! It's gloomy in here!" Light demanded.

"No. Call in the help."

"But," Light prodded at the white remote on his nightstand, "my buzzer is broken. I think that one maid disconnected it."

"Which one?" L asked, emerging from the closet in his usual garb.

"That one with the weird spoon-like face." Light gave up on his buzzer and hauled himself out of bed to open the curtains himself. "You know who I mean?"

"No."

"Oh." Light jerked the drapes open to get his view of the city. "Ooh, looks like a nice day!"

"Yippee."

The man known as Kira turned around and made his way over to L. "You could have some enthusiasm," he drawled. "You have no personality." He grabbed L's hand and yanked him into their bathroom. "Come on, we have to get ready for that meeting with the UN leaders."

"I hope Light-kun does not expect me to shower."

Light, wrinkling his nose, raided their cabinet and pulled out some styling gel. "Here. Hold still so I can fix your puff," he ordered, squirting a liberal amount of the purple goop into his hand.

"My hair is not a puff." L jerked away and stepped out of the bathroom. "And you can put that _poison_ in your own hair. I do not wish to go bald prematurely."

"You're only thirty!" Light called after the other man, and got a blank stare in reply.

"I am, and will forever remain _twenty-nine_, Light-kun. Remember that."

"Denial!"

L scowled and shuffled over to turn on their flat-screen television, grimacing when he saw that Light had been watching the cartoon channel again.

"_Happy, happy, happy Mickey Mouse Time!"_ the characters sang, and the man just stared and wondered _what_ possessed people to make such inane shows.

"Ooh, is that the Mouse House?!" Light called from the bathroom.

"No, Light-kun!" L changed the channel to the news:

"…_that Kira will be holding a conference with the leaders of the UN today…"_

"Light-kun!"

"Yes?"

"The media caught on overnight!"

"Dammit!"

L held back a smirk when he heard a crash in the other room. Light was so clumsy before meetings.

"Hey, L? Can you call that maid in? I kind of…broke a few things…"

"The maid with the spoon-like face?" L clarified, perching himself on the bed.

"Yes!"

"I already told you that I do not know which one that is," L yelled back.

"A lot of help you are!" More crashes echoed throughout their chambers, and L blasted the volume on the TV to drown out Light's trademark cussing hissy fit.

"Kira's right-hand man, known only as R, has been seen wearing famous designer Misa Amane's new line of clothing…"

L huffed and looked in the closet at the hideous shirt that Misa had made "special for him!" a few weeks back. Light, being the control-freak ass that he was, had _forced_ him to wear it in public and make a fool of himself. Apparently the paparazzi had snapped a picture of him in it.

"…strange because he is usually seen in generic long-sleeve white shirts and jeans. Those jeans, in fact, have now been proven to be the same exact pair through photo and video analysis. One cannot help but wonder why someone as wealthy as R would repeatedly wear the same pair of pants for years. Our psychological expert will now explain why R is so fixated with these pants…"

"Ha!" Light entered the bedroom and watched the report on L's jeans for a few minutes. "I told you they'd catch on, L."

"Hn." L muted the TV and stood to put on some clothing for the meeting.

"Hey, should I wear pink," Light grabbed a pink shirt out of their closet and held it up, "or blue?"

"Light-kun should wear pink. It suits his personality more than blue does." L waited for the response:

"No, I think I want to wear blue."

Typical.

L picked up his jeans from the floor and slid into them, not bothering to change his boxers. Then he carefully chose one of his white shirts from the closet and pulled it on.

"You don't smell pleasant, you know," Light quipped as he rolled up his cuffs. "You could bathe from time to time. It's pretty offensive when we're in bed."

"Light-kun knows this property better then anyone. He may go to the guest wing at night if he so chooses." L stood and let Light fuss with his hair and clothes for a little while.

"Your shirt's crooked," Light snapped, "and you didn't zip your jeans up." He fixed those problems and led L out of their room.

"You," Light said to a maid in the hall, "spoon-girl. Please go clean my bathroom."

"Sir, my name is-"

"Your name is spoon-girl. Go." Light shooed her off and continued down the window-lined hall.

"You are awfully mean to the staff," L mumbled, pulling a gumdrop out of his pocket. "They're going to rebel against you."

Light ignored his lover and looked at his trusty watch. "We're late! Shit, come on L!"

"I cannot run, Light-kun!" L protested, but Light raced ahead of him and gestured for him to catch up.

"Come on!"

Stumbling a few times, L finally took off jogging, but he stooped forward too far and lost his balance, skidding on the floor.

"Move!" Light yelled, frantically turning back around and grabbing L by the back of the shirt. "Get up, you clown! Get up!"

"I am not a clown!" L stumbled to his feet and allowed Light to tug him down the rest of the halls, through the various living rooms, and out the door to their limo.

"Whew!" Light heaved for breath once he plopped down on the leather seat next to L. "Nice run, panda man. You almost ruined the whole meeting."

"Shut up, Light-kun."

"It's because of your crooked posture." Light reached behind L's back and pushed at the ever-present hunch. "You aren't streamlined enough to be able to run properly."

"Be quiet, Kira-chan!"

"Don't call me that…"

L leaned back to trap Light's prodding hand in-between his back and the limo seat.

"Ouch! Sit up, L! You're crushing my hand!"

"Light-kun must first apologize for calling me a clown."

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

L leaned forward and let Light recoil his hand back. "Do you have your speech?" he asked suddenly, eyes widening a bit.

"Dammit!"

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: I don't know what this is, but it's really fun to write! :-)

Umm…Minor Annoyances readers- I'll update tomorrow, kay?

**Please review! Or Light will call you a spoon-face!**

Up next: Meeting


	2. Meeting

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"My speech! I can't believe I forgot my speech! I don't even know…I don't know what to say! What do I do? L! I need help! What do I do, I don't know what to do about it because it's a bad situation and I'll never be able to think up a speech in this amount of time and we can't go back and-"

"Light-kun."

"-how are they going to take me seriously after this? I show up with no papers and I give the worst speech in history?! I can't do that! I'm Kira! K-I-R-A!"

"Light-kun!" L reached over and grabbed a fistful of Light's hair. "Take a deep breath."

"Ouch! You're messing up my hair!"

"Deep breath," L repeated, as they passed the many skyscrapers and quickly neared their destination. "Remember what your therapist told you…In, out. In, out."

"In," Light inhaled deeply, "out," he exhaled. "But L, I still don't know what to say!"

"Shh. In…"

Light sighed hugely.

"…Out. Good Light-kun," L released his fist of the brown hair and leaned back when caramel-colored eyes glared up at him.

"You can't talk to me like that!"

"Yes, I can. Light-kun makes it too easy for me."

"_Well!"_

"Well?" L mimicked. "What are you going to do about your speech?"

A cocky hair flip. "I'll have to improvise."

The black-haired man couldn't help but shudder at that, remembering Light's past improvisations and the PR messes that had followed. "Please," he said, reaching over to smooth Light's hair back, "postpone the meeting before you do that. You are so _clumsy_ when it comes to-"

"I am not clumsy!" Light exclaimed as they pulled up to the designated building's back entrance. "I am graceful and well…well-worded!"

"Well-worded indeed," L muttered, opening the door and shoving Light out ahead of him. He groaned when he saw his lover trip and almost fall down. "Light-kun is going to make a fool of himself!"

"Shut up! You're not helping!" Light, not waiting for L to get out of the limo, pranced off toward the building and threw the doors open with a flourish.

"Wait…!" L shuffled as briskly as possible so he didn't lose sight of the melodramatic man in front of him. Pulling a gumball out of his pocket, he shoved it into his mouth and finally broke into a stooped jog to catch up with Light.

"You're really slow," Light snapped, still not looking at L as he continued his prissy strut down the halls. "Help me find the elevator!"

"I mm t-ying tuh!" The wad of gum in his mouth made L impossible to understand, but Light didn't seem to care about this much when he discovered where the elevators were.

"Come on!"

Once safely inside the elevator and heading up to the forty-ninth floor, the two stared at one another in silence.

_Oh God, I'm going to ruin this entire contract because I'm such a moron when it comes to making speeches up off the top of my head…_ Light thought worriedly. _Ugh, and L isn't helping at all. Look at him! Why do I put up with him?_

Slouched in the other corner, L was presenting Light with his very best "I'm Going To Stare At You Until You Break Because I Am L And I Can" look. _Wow, this gum really is not that enjoyable._

Light fidgeted around and looked up to see what floor they were at. Eleven.

_Will he stop staring at me?! And I really wish he'd spit that gum out, he's slurping like an animal. Listen to him. Slurp, slurp, slurp. He's driving me insane! I have to get out of here! I have to-_

L spat his gum out into his hand and stuck it on the bottom of the emergency telephone box. "Is Light-kun nervous?" he asked, blinking and glancing down at his shoes.

"Obviously. That would explain the layer of sweat forming over my entire body."

"Hn. You sweat when you are nervous," L observed.

"Most people do," the brunette defended.

"You also sweat when we are-"

_DING!_

"Alright, now we need to make a good impression," Light whispered urgently. "So don't do any of your usual stuff."

"Stuff?"

"Like scratching your hair, sucking your thumb, taking your shoes off, staring mercilessly at people, or making rude, out-of-line comments. Okay? Just _save it_ until we get home, and you can take it out on me later."

"I expect a reward for completely altering my mannerisms," L hissed back as Light led him down yet another window-lined hallway.

"You'll get one." Light cleared his throat before stepping into the meeting room at the end of the hall. "Hello!"

_Oh great,_ L thought as he watched Light shaking hands and bowing to all of the UN representatives, _he's in Fake Kira Mode now. There's no going back._

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"…and for creating…creating," Light trailed off, looking helplessly down at L from his position at the head of the long, wooden table. "…"

"A better world," L whispered.

"A better world! Thank you!" Light sat down and watched as the others reacted to his speech in an eruption of whispers. "How was it?" he asked L quietly.

"It was…" L sighed at Light's hopeful expression, "worth remembering, Light-kun."

"Oh, good."

L looked around and spotted a decorative display with a few oranges on it sitting on a small table behind him.

"…It's not like they can really say anything," Light was rambling, "because _I'm_ the decider."

"Yes, Light-kun is the decider." L looked around and, not seeing anyone paying attention to him, snatched one of the oranges and hid it in his lap.

"Why are they taking so long?"

"Kira-sama, we have come to a decision regarding…" one woman started, but faded off when she saw L smacking down an orange slice. "…regarding…"

"R-san?" another man spoke up.

L looked up, a bit of the orange juice sliding down his chin. "Mm?"

"Could you…refrain from eating the display?"

Light whipped his head to the side, horrified. "_R_," he hissed, "don't eat that! We have some at ho-"

"And what, may I ask, is the purpose of such a display if not for eating?" L inquired, breaking off another slice in his lap and bringing it to his lips.

"Well-"

"Do you intend to let these oranges rot?" he continued. "Or possibly-aagh!"

Light withdrew his foot from L's shin and shot the others his sweetest smile. "Please excuse R," he apologized, "he is just very _assertive_ at times."

"Of course. Now, we have come to a decision…"

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"If Light-kun wanted an orange, then I could have retrieved one for him!"

"I didn't want an orange!" Light yelled, slapping the button to take them back down in the elevator. "I wanted you to stop _eating_ so they could make their announcement!"

"You got your contract, correct?" L ground out.

"Yes, but-"

"Then we shall leave it at that."

_DING!_

L went slinking down the hall and toward the exit without another word.

"I'm just saying," Light pressed, stumbling to catch up with his lover, "that you can't take anything you want willy nilly!"

L kept walking.

"What will you steal next, I wonder?" the younger man asked, and he flung his arms out wildly around him, "maybe that painting?" He gestured toward a painting of a llama. "Or someone's jewelry?"

The former detective just grunted and went slamming out of the back doors, not expecting to be faced with a massive crowd of paparazzi.

"Oh, damn."

"Kira-sama!"

"R! R, will you tell us why you always wear the same pants?"

"Kira-sama, please tell us what kind of a relationship you have with R!"

"Kira-sama, what brand of hair product do you use?"

"R, do you use hair products?"

Immediately body guards came charging up out of nowhere, shoving the paparazzi and their flashing cameras back so Light and L could get through to their limo.

"My shoe!"

Light looked back and saw that L's untied shoe had fallen off and one of the reporters had gotten a hold of it.

"Forget it! Come on!"

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

When L came shuffling out of the bathroom later on, he was not happy to see that the news was analyzing his shoe.

We was happy, however, that Light had ordered a large basket of oranges to be brought up for him.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: :-)

**YO! You know that crazy shirt L was mentioned wearing? Well, Believe Bridesmaid made a fanart for it (thanks!) and gave me permish to post it on my deviantart account. Please go check it out, cause it kicks ass.**

**Please review! Or L will eat all of your oranges!**

Up next: Competition


	3. Cupcake

"And the sole here

"And the sole here. See this? It's very worn toward the top, which means that he may walk on his toes. Now, our psychoanalyst will explain to us why he may walk in such a way-"

_Click._

"And we can't forget that he had it untied. That shows a distinct lack of comfort in new-"

_Click._

"Kira-sama grabbed R and pulled him out of the crowd, as seen in this video. Now if we zoom in here, we can see that Kira-sama looked a bit distressed by the shoe incident, and we can't help but wonder why. Our Kira correspondent in-"

_Click._

"…that R has very large feet, which may allude to-"

_Click._ L scowled and let the TV remote fall to the floor, glad to have some silence for once. He looked over and saw that Light was still asleep, snoring lightly.

"Hm." L reached over to his nightstand, grabbed a strawberry, and put it on Light's lips.

"Pff!" After almost inhaling the fruit, Light sat up and the strawberry went rolling back over to L. "What was…Is something wrong? Why is there a strawberry…?"

"No." L grabbed the strawberry and handed it back to Light. "I wanted to give this to Light-kun."

"Oh, thanks." Light yawned and rubbed his eyes before taking a delicate little nibble of the strawberry. "Tastes good." He kept picking at it, L watching in fascination.

"Light-kun eats like a rodent."

"That's nice," Light said sarcastically, "comparing your lover to a rodent. It's a real turn-on."

"I can be flirtatious if I wish to."

"Is that so?" Light swallowed the rest of his treat. "How come you never do, then? I always have to be the one to get things moving in this relationship."

"I believe that Light-kun is forgetting that I am, more often than not, the instigator in this bedroom." L gestured around to the room with a pointed look at Light.

"Well, you can go through the motions, sure, but _I'm_ the one who does everything else. If it were up to you," Light hauled himself out of the bed, "we'd just sit in silence and study physics theories all day long."

"Would not!"

"_Real_ mature, L." Light, not realizing until just then that he was completely naked, tried to cover up his behind as he walked into the bathroom.

"Why are you trying to cover yourself? I've seen you from many different angles."

"You're not help-…L?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think you could _not_ dispose of your orange peels on the bathroom floor?"

L frowned and tried to remember the night before. There had been oranges, whipped cream, and…

Oh. Those vodka shots may have had something to do with it. L brought a hand to his head, relieved that he didn't have a hangover.

"Light? Do you have a hangover?"

"No, I didn't slam back a bunch of shots like you did. Are you okay?" Light called.

L heard the toilet flush and Light washing his hands three times, as usual.

"Um…No. I'm sore. Really sore," L said awkwardly, hoping to get a massage or something out of his lover. Or a cupcake. A cupcake would be good.

"You're not a very good liar!" Light began brushing his teeth and gargling down some mouthwash.

"…Kira-chan is heartless." L flipped his laptop open to check his email, and let out a loud groan when he saw that, not surprisingly, someone had gotten a hold of it. Someone from the Kira technology department, he didn't know who yet, was selling his email address to people! His inbox was maxed-out with messages from people whom he would never meet, random fans or Kira opposition. He opened one up to distract him from the gargling coming out of the other room.

_R!!_

_IS IT REALLY YOU? I LOVE YOU SOOOOOO MUCH AND I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES! PLZ WRITE BACK SOON I LUV YOU SO MUCH! I SAW YOUR SHOE ON TV IT'S REALLY SEXY!_

_LUV,_

_YOUR NUMBER 1 FANGIRL_

P.S. TELL KIRA I SAID HI

"My number one fangirl says hi, Light," L droned as Light came bustling back into the bedroom.

"That's nice. Where's the remote?" Without waiting for an answer, Light spotted it on the floor and picked it up, flipping the TV on. The first thing he saw was a slow-motion video of L stepping out of his shoe. "Never mind," he mumbled, turning the television back off.

"Light-kun does not want to see my sexy shoe?" the black-haired man asked innocently.

"No, and I'm glad that tattered thing is gone." Light felt L's stare digging into his back, so he turned around and got into Happy Kira Mode, clapping his hands and smiling hugely. "Get up, L! We have things to do!"

"Like what?"

"Like writing names in the Death Note."

"Get to it, then; I cannot help you there." L waved his hand around. "And tell the spoon girl to bring me a cupcake."

"No. When you clean those _revolting_ orange peels up, then I'll call the spoon-face in. Right now I'm-"

A beeper went off.

"Who could that be?" Light asked, exasperated. He scurried over to his new buzzer and poked at a few buttons until a voice came through:

"Sir, there is a visitor here for you."

"Who?"

"He will not tell me his name, sir, and he is clutching his briefcase to him most suspiciously. Shall I remove him from the grounds?"

"Um…Just give me a minute. Thank you." Light turned to L. "Bring up the front door security camera, please."

L opened a new program on his laptop and successfully brought up live footage from the front porch. "Oh." His face contorted into an expression of distaste. "It is Mikami."

"Oh, hell," Light muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose and hitting the buzzer again. "Let him in."

"I wish Light-kun would not give in to Mikami's whims," L said firmly, pulling himself out of bed.

"Don't be jealous." Light pulled on a robe and tried to fix his hair. "Mikami and I are strictly in a business relationship."

"I am not jealous," L fired back. "I just do not like it when you spend time with him."

"That, my dear, sweet ,one-and-only love, would be jealousy."

"Nevertheless," the older man answered as he pulled on some jeans, "I will accompany you when you talk to him, just to make sure he does not try anything."

"I'm not a damsel in distress, you know." With that, Light went parading out of the room, bathrobe sweeping out behind him in an unfittingly commanding way.

The only thing that ruined the moment, however, was the fact that Light had put on the robe that had little dancing ducks lining the bottom, but L didn't feel the need to say anything about that.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"KAMI!"

"Hello, Mik-Oof!" Light got the air knocked out of his when Mikami launched himself right into a gigantic hug.

"I deleted fifty criminals for you last night, Kira-sama!"

"That's wonderful, Mikami. Now please…let me go. _Please._"

Mikami pulled back and straightened his glasses, turning toward L. "Hello, R," he said calmly, cultured voice masking his apparent insanity. "How are you?"

"Right now? I'm a bit put-off, to be honest," came the steely reply. L turned toward Light and let his most piercing stare burn into the younger man's eyes. "Light-kun, we need to get working on that _thing_, so could you possibly make this meeting brief?"

Light gave a little nod and went into the study, motioning for Mikami to follow him. Teru went after him, of course, but not without brushing dangerously close against L first.

"Do not come between me and my Kami, R."

"Do not come so close to my _face_, Mikami." L scowled after Teru and resisted the urge to go and smash those annoying little glasses. "And do not forget that Light-kun is mine."

"Yours? Heh."

"…I really don't like you," L said plainly, feeling his temper rise when Mikami just snorted and walked after Light. "And I wish I could come up with more effective insults."

"Okay, Mikami!" Light said with a fake smile. "Give me your pages and we'll be all set!"

"Yes, KAMI!"

"You don't have to yell that all the time, Mi-"

"I'm sorry, Kira-sama!" Mikami exclaimed, immediately digging around in his briefcase to find the papers for Light.

"…Okay." Light fiddled with his hands behind his back and looked over at L, who was looming in the doorway in a threatening manner that the slouched oddball should not have been able to pull off. "Ah, please hurry." _L's getting jealous again. I wonder what he and Mikami were talking about?_

"Here you are, Kami."

"Oh, thanks." Light stuffed the Death Note papers into his desk and gave another robotic smile. "You may go now-"

"Does Kira-sama want to tell me who to kill next?"

"Oh, I suppose I could." Light sighed and crossed his arms. "Well-"

L blinked for the first time in minutes and rubbed his eyes to get the liquid flowing in them again. He was about to go in so he could eavesdrop better when he heard a familiar chuckle behind him:

"Hyuk, hyuk. Looks like Teru's pissing you off again, Lawliet. What are you going to do about it?"

L turned around and deliberately walked past the ugly Shinigami that was hovering next to him. "Do not bother me, Ryuk. I just want a cupcake."

"Hyuk. Come on, Lawlipop, don't be like that! Tell you what," the Shinigami said, flying in front of L and blocking his way down the hall, "you give me an apple, and I'll…kill Teru for you."

"That one did not work the first time, Ryuk. What makes you think that it will work now?" L asked impatiently.

"Give me an apple!"

"No. Please move."

"Give me an apple, or I'll kill Light!"

"That one does not work, either." L ducked around the Shinigami and made his way to the kitchen,

"Come oooon!"

"No."

"Pleeeease?"

"No."

Meanwhile, Light kept trying to end his conversation with Mikami, but to no avail:

"That's all really interesting, Mikami, but I should get going," Light said politely, interrupting Teru's latest rant.

"But Kami! The pen you are using right now is bad for your hand; the grip on it is one of the worst on the market! Please take my pen!" Mikami kneeled down and offered his Super Mega-Strength Gel Grip Roller Deluxe Ballpoint out to Light. "Please take it!"

"…I like the pen I have. I really don't want another one."

"Kami!"

"Mikami, that's really thoughtful, but you need a nice pen more than I do. You write more often," the brunette reasoned, "and your hand needs that gel grip. Besides, when I write, I tend to get carried away, and many of my pens end up either broken or stuck in a wall-"

"But…" Mikami drifted off and the crazed look faded from his eyes. "Stuck in a wall?"

Light cleared his throat. "Please go back to your house and do something with yourself, Mikami. I have everything under control, honest. I have R-" Light gestured toward the empty doorway.

"…Or not."

DNDNDNDN

"This is a good apple!"

"I am glad you are enjoying it, as you nearly _took off my arm_ when biting into it," L answered sarcastically. He shot Ryuk a withering look from where he was seated at the kitchen island.

Their kitchen really was a sight to behold; tall granite counters aligned the walls and framed an industrial-sized refrigerator and the best stove on the market (not that either of them cooked very often). The view of their backyard was always pleasant, with the stone-lined pool, fake waterfall, hot tub, and sweeping wooden patio.

All of this didn't matter much to L, though. Well, except perhaps their hot tub nights. Those were always exciting, to say the least.

"Sorry about that." Ryuk stepped forward and chuckled when he saw that, indeed, thee were some noticeable bite marks on L's pale wrist. "Hyuk. See you later, L."

"Hn." L stood and was about to grab a fresh cupcake from the counter when the door bell boomed through the room, the volume of it rattling some stray dishes and the fake plants Light had insisted on hanging in the window.

L snagged a cupcake and walked back down the hall and past the living rooms to the front door.

"It is Amane Misa, sir," the butler said. "Shall I let her in?"

"…" L stuffed the entire cupcake into his mouth and peered out of the peephole. He saw a lot of pink, blonde hair, and, unfortunately, what looked like another wardrobe for him. "Very well, let her in."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: The gang's all here! (Well, not exactly. Near, Mello, and company haven't arrived yet, but they will, I guess. I don't know. All I know is that it should be illegal to have this much fun while writing pointless crack.)

**Please review! Or Ryuk will bite you!** (And that would hurt, I can assure you of that.)

Up next: Wardrobe Malfunctions


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